Photo by Kamil Macniak on Shutterstock

Hi everyone! It’s me, your favorite ordained Unitarian Minister, Robert Fulghum. It’s been thirty-five years since I first shared my credo for how to live your most meaningful life and that advice — to apply the simple lessons you learned in kindergarten to your adult lives — has stood the test of time. Until the pandemic.

Suddenly, my quaint suggestions that you share, play fair, and hold hands when you go out into the world seem downright dangerous. …


HUMOR

You’ll never have to come up with the ultimate V-Day gift EVER AGAIN!

Photo: Shutterstock

30 second TV spot to Promote National Organ Donor Day Which happens to coincide with Valentine’s Day.

Attractive, smartly dressed woman in her 50s walks from offscreen to the center of a well-appointed living room and faces the camera.

**Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri plays in background**

“Looking for the perfect gift for your loved one this Valentine’s Day but already exhausted your great ideas (and bank account) over Christmas? Well the search is over, and the best part is that you ALREADY HAVE the most romantic gift right inside of you!

“Hi, I’m Meredith Douglas, founder of Jar…


Nearly a year into this infernal pandemic, I don’t know a single person who isn’t sick to death of communicating by video. My husband conducts his business entirely through screens from a tiny office at the front of our house. My kids spend their days flitting from class to class without getting up from the chairs in their bedrooms (or, more honestly, from their beds). As a writer, I’m used to being on one screen or another, but normally I’m in total isolation.

When I do have to participate in a group video chat for whatever reason, I find it…


Dear Mrs. Kurlander,

This is Gila Pfeffer, a former student in your seventh-grade math class in Montclair Middle School in 1990. If my name sounds familiar, perhaps it’s because you’ve come across my bylines in major national newspapers, heard my TED talk entitled “Read More; Math Less” or have seen advertisements for my memoir, “The Burden of Always Being Right” (available wherever fine books are sold!).

I hope you are safe and healthy and keeping sane blah blah blah ok, let’s cut the crap. It’s been three decades since I last sat in the back of your classroom pretending to…


Photo by Pineapple Supply Co. on Unsplash

1.Teal Tuesday: It’s the day after Blue Monday, so you have something to look forward to other than your aneurism-inducing Christmas credit card bill. Head on over to your local Hallmark store and grab a few bags of teal-colored gummies! We promise they’ll make you feel good! *wink*

2. Mallentines Day: You love your local mall, don’t you? Of course you do, you’re American! Get your patriotic self over to your home away from home and while you’re there, head straight on in to the Covid-secure Hallmark store to donate to the “All Malls Matter” fund. …


Very few things in life can be predicted with 100% certainty, however in addition to death and taxes, I’d like to add the following to that category:

  • The probability that I will eat cake if it’s within 5 feet of me
  • The likelihood that I will join the slowest checkout line at the supermarket
  • The chances of Americans asking me, since we moved to the UK 10 years ago, if my kids have British accents (they don’t)

I also remember, after I gave birth to each subsequent child, being predictably asked, “So how has it been going from one kid…


It’s the final night of Chanukah 2020. I could have just said “the final night of Chanukah” but I want to differentiate between all the other Chanukahs which sort of meld into a single montage of winter memories and this one which, like everything else this year feels strange, bland and just, so… so 2020.

All of the traditions we’ve come to love this time of year- parties, outings to the West End to see a show, skiing over winter break- have not been possible. People celebrated Chanukah this year the same way they did pretty much every other holiday…


Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Dear Pandiary,

By now it must be evident to you that I’m terrible at keeping a journal. If the utterly illegible (even to me) handwriting didn’t give it away then surely the blank pages between entries which are left for me to “go back and fill in later when I have time” will confirm that I was never destined to be any kind of historian. I have several diaries from my teenage years that are 85% blank; only the first few pages are filled with the scribblings of my lovelorn, agitated eighth grade self. I read them from time to…


Photo by Florencia Viadana on Unsplash

By Gila Pfeffer and Mandi Em

Well, here we are, November 30 and you’re kicking yourself for breaking your annual commitment to fully participate in NaNoWriMo. Again. As you stare at the number 3,441 at the bottom left of your Word doc, you’re marinating in a mixture of self loathing, excuses (mainly that it’s 2020) and promises that next year will be your year. No doubt.

But wait! Don’t give up so fast, mon ami!

The goal is to write 1,000 words per day for a total of 30,000. It doesn’t specify what kind of words.

It’s not too late…


Photo by Greg Lippert on Unsplash

Mashed Potato and Gravy are twin turkeys who’ve been selected for this year’s annual Thanksgiving Day presidential pardon. They wait on the Rose Garden lawn next to a cloth-draped table festooned with autumn leaves and acorns. The president is late which adds to the irritation they already feel having been given stupid names, unlike last year’s more fortunate Bread and Butter.

Mashed Potato: So, where is this guy already? I want to get this over with and move on to sweet retirement on Gobbler’s Farm with Bread and Butter. They’re still alive, you know. As are Peas and Carrots.

Gravy…

Gila Pfeffer

American in London. I write about the thrill of raising teens (I have 4), surviving breast cancer and observational humor. www.the-mom-who-knew-too-much.com

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